Thursday, November 10, 2011

Mommy Musings

I usually use this blog (well, I need to use this blog) as a way to keep friends and family informed about our ever growing boys, also, as a way to keep track of the milestones the boys achieve as they grow. Life in general is so hectic, that I often fail to write down all the little things.

But, today, I am not going to do that. I am going to just write to get a few things off my mind. I have had a heavy heart lately, full of sadness for parents who lose their children. My Facebook feed has been full of stories and prayer requests for people who have lost their infants to cancer, SIDS, and stillbirth. My heavy heart brings a lump to my throat that I can not swallow.

I just don't understand why. Why do parents have to endure such heartache? One story: a couple marries, struggles with infertility, is finally successful with IVF and conceives twins, a boy & a girl. She loses the boy on a Wednesday and the girl dies on Friday. Both stillborn. When she lost the boy, the heartache must've been so intense, but the glimmer of hope was still there. The baby girl was alive. But, then to have to deliver two stillborn babies? To have a funeral for your twins, whom you prayed for, wished for, hoped for. Certainly IVF isn't cheap and there is no price for a human life... I just don't understand why it happens.

I believe in God. And I know that these things all happen for a reason. I know that. I understand that. But, I still don't think it's fair and it doesn't stop the heartache I have for these parents who are grieving the loss of their babies.

And, Michelle Duggar is pregnant with her 20th child. Really?... I won't watch their show, but at one point, there was an interview with Jim-Bob and someone in a restaurant had bet him $100 to name all of his children's birthdays, and all Jim-Bob did was opened his wallet and gave the man $100. He couldn't start to list their birthdays. Imagine, not being able to name the day of your child's birth.

The parents whom lost their children, they will never forget the day they discovered they were pregnant, brought their babies into the world, the first night home. The way their child looked, felt, smelled. Never. Yet, Jim-Bob Duggar won't even try to name birthdays.

I don't understand why you would continue to bring children into this world if you can not give them the attention they need. I am certain that the Duggars' love their children, but there is no possible way that they can meet the emotional needs of 20 children. I'm not sure what Michelle is waiting for? Her uterus to fall out? Exhausting every possible "J" name in the bible? It infuriates me that those parents stretch themselves so thin between 20 kids and then exploit them on television, and the mommy's & daddy's whom have lost babies will never see the 1st smiles, watch their children go to school, get married, and have children.

It makes me sad. I have been following the Penn State child abuse case too. The fact that the coach pried on these children whom had a poor home life and then used his money, his position within the college, his money to molest young boys. It's beyond disgusting. And sad.

I just feel like their is so much sadness in the world. So much disappointment. So much exploitation. I worry about the parents who lose their babies. I worry about the children who have been exposed to horrible, unthinkable acts and will grow up to be parents. I just can not get rid of that lump.

I can focus on being the best mommy to my boys and I do. But, I have to admit, I am terrified to have to send them into a world with so much hurt and heartache.

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