Monday, December 19, 2011

Frustrated Daddy

It's been a while since I've blogged. Welcome me back, thanks.

There is a lot of things that people don't understand about raising twins (or trips, quads, etc. .) That's not to say that I was enlightened with any of this information before having boys of our own but rather things that both Sara and I have learned along the way.

Raising twins is not the same as singulars. Multiples have an unwritten and unspoken bond that unless you are one, it can never be understood. They play off of each other in how they interact with us as parents, and everybody else for that matter. That can't be "parented out," nor should it be. It's simply a part of their neurological makeup and can not be changed.

Max's speech is slightly delayed for two reasons; he couldn't hear for the first two years of his life and Zachary, his TWIN brother, answers for him all the time since he is the big brother by all of one minute. Zach is literally one minute older and the "big brother" mentality is already programmed into him. I have no doubt that if Max had come out first, this situation would be exactly reversed. It is what it is and, as I've already said, this can not be changed.

Part of the reason for me blogging again is that I want people to understand that our boys, as twins, do not react, interact or converse in the same way as "normal" children do.

I get extremely frustrated when parents try to throw their dictating tactics for discipline at us when in reality they have no idea what it's like raising multiples. Two children, separated at birth by one minute, who could not be more different in their personalities but couldn't be any more connected for the rest of their lives. If one is crying, the other instantly stops what they are doing and investigates the cause. If we put one in timeout, the other one waits outside the door until they know that their "brudder" is OK and not harmed.

Christmas is a joyous time of year but the nuances of making all the appointments work really drains the life out of you sometimes. Sara and I want to make everything work for everybody but that just never happens. There is so much more involved in getting two active and sometimes defiant two year old twin boys to places that by the time we get there, it just isn't fun for anybody anymore. Add to this the various challenges presented by different households in keeping their little hands off various knick-knacks, rocks, ornaments and candy and no one can truly enjoy themselves in the spirit of the holiday season.

We know this will get better as they get older and we get more accustomed to meeting these challenges with the information that we have accrued in two and a half years of being new parents.

All that said, Sara and I both wish the best for everybody this holiday season. May your next year be better than this one.


1 comment:

tracy hall said...

Hey, I just read this for the first time and got the biggest smile on my face. Keely is also the oldest by a big whopping minute. She would always answer for Kyra. It got to the point that when I would ask a question I would finish it with "Keely don't answer". Ha-ha. So true with the same language. That will never go away. It is something that still amazes me now that they are 14. Good luck. If you guys need some "expert" advice...I'm always here. By the way, I have always hated when people refer to my TWINS like they are individuals. THEY ARE TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE! Argh!